April 20,2019 I am not one who makes excuses for not doing things on “my to do list.” But, I do have a very good excuse for interrupting my efforts at weekly blog posts. My youngest daughter has brought home a newborn baby boy.
She is staying with me for her three months of vacation time with this small baby boy. I am over the moon with the closeness I am building with this person, who, as small as he seems, is quite a big man in the effects he has on me and the rest of our family. First of all he makes my whole being happy. Just being himself effortlessly makes every member of our family happy. In the two months of his life, each of his achievements amazes us. This baby brings back those emotions from years ago. It was the same feeling when I held my little ones many years ago, and, later when I held my two older grandsons when they were babies. So it doubles my feelings of happiness when I hold this two month old.
The happiness quotient expands my heart and when it can’t get any larger, I just let it overflow on to the rest of my loved ones, each time. How such a small being can give such expansive thoughts in me: I don’t understand. So intense, I stop breathing for a few minutes. But it is a breathlessness that does not deplete any oxygen. It only adds more energy. Inexplicable!!!
This was the theme we taught at a summer camp to our grandchildren a few years ago.
Every day, I feel this is true in my life. Right now I am grateful for a visit I made to my sister Shanthi. I had not seen her in two years. From the time in December 2018 I told her over the phone that I had tickets to go visit her in India and the time I got there last month, her voice was stronger, her resistance to doctor visits and updating her meds had decreased and there was a big smile on her face. She had not cooperated with her daughter about checkups with her doctors in the past several months.
My youngest daughter who accompanied me on this visit boosted the efforts of her cousin to take Shanthi to all the specialists she needed to see, and to update her meds. I know between the two cousins they pushed Shanthi to get the care she needed.
Shanthi was almost herself, making home-made banana chips and raw-jackfruit chips and breadfruit chips. Not just for us to taste but also bring a few bags back for her nieces and nephews here in the U.S.A.
I am very grateful I was able to be there, although the visit was a short three weeks, and that all of us benefited from her energy.
On this trip halfway around the world, covering 10,000 miles one way which takes 23 hours, and the flight hours of 17 to 18 hours; I am grateful to the Gods for keeping us safe and all the Airlines and staff for their knowledge, commitment and efficiency.
I am also grateful for my sisters, cousins, sisters-in-law, and their families including nephews, nieces, and even grandchildren who shower unconditional love to me as I drop in once a year or once in two years, and then disappear into the skies.
When I plan on moving forward in my life, scenes from the past run through the screen of memories. To move forward in life, you cannot live in the past.
By the same token, it is definitely your past experiences that guide your future action. If there is a traumatic experience in my past or yours, it would be well worthwhile to go deep into your memories to see what part of those can help with your future decisions. Similarly, any victorious or joyful occurance can guide you forward on the actual future you are planning for yourself.
Six years ago when my dear husband Raj passed away, I had a hard time figuring out what to do with all the strong feelings within me. While I mourned his absence, I knew I had too much pent up energy that if not spent productively would explode. It was not easy because the last ten years of my life revolved around the physical caring of Raj, helping him manage his Diabetes and other medical conditions. I had to build up energy, physical and mental to do that. I also knew I had to honor his strength and his love of our family.
Thinking back, I remembered how strong my mother-in-law, Thankom-Maami was when she lost her husband at the young age of thirty nine. Her youngest child was only ten months old. Three years later her oldest son, Raj, my husband, decided that coming to America for his post-graduate training would afford him the best opportunity to take care of his mother and siblings. Knowing it was the right move for him, Maami stood stoic as she hugged him goodbye, even though her heart was breaking to let her first-born travel so far away.
Raj and I with his mother in the center and his siblings, 1963
My mother lost my Dad when she was close to fifty years old. She immersed herself in caring for her children and grandchildren, never once complaining about how she missed him or blaming God for her loss.
Following the footsteps of strong women in the family, I too acted courageously.
Raj and I with my Ammoomma,Grandmother in the center and an extended family, 1963.
I was “Transplanted from 110 degrees in the shade to 10 degrees below zero,” when I decided to live in Chicagoland. I felt it was crucial that my progeny grow up knowing my heritage and knowing what I lost in leaving my land of origin, and gaining so very much in this land I call my own. Hence my writing about my past, my childhood, my challenges in life, my religious beliefs, my philosophy in life….I need to share all these facets to illustrate how you can gain strength from your past and not let your past drag you down. My stories will help all readers understand that the differences in culture are easily transcended by the recognition that all people have the same needs as food, safety, peace, and above all, being loved.
And in sharing my experiences, I am certain many can draw strength to manage challenges in their own lives.
